hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
