I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
