dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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