all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
