so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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