I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Me too!
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
