Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
