i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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