I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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