I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
