Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
