She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
