it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
