Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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