I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
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I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize