I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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