yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
