I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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