I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
