dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
