I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
