youre lurking in front of me
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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