And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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