I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
