Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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