I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
