help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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