and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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