She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
