so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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