wrigley field is MILF paradise
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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