Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
