ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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