I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
