hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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