that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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