shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
