You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
