We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
