I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
