Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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