Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
