Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
