he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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