Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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