are you so shy because you have an std?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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