I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
