his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
we're making bets on your personal life
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
