just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Everclear isn't food dammit
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
