I'm gonna have a badass scar
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
