Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
