you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
