Will you blow on my dice?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
