I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
