TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
