Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
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I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
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