This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
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I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
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I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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