Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
