You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
