I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize