I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
