There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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