he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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