Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
