This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
