I just made out with a guy for $7.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
