I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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