you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
