I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
