he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
