I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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