"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
