Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
