This dress was meant to end up on your floor
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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