Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
