Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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