I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
