is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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