too bad you live with your parents still
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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