I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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