you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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