I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
