It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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